All Is Fair In Love and War
by bluishred
Summary: They had been in loved with each other for as long as they can remember. One secretly. One Deeply. Miaka bought a fancy-glittery high heel for one special occasion. She wasn't Cinderella but why was her heart bleeding? Saihitei crushed the already crumpled paper and shoved it in his pocket, deciding to burn it later. But why was his heart tearing to pieces?
1. Chapter 1 - Lost

**Chapter 1 – Lost**

**Disclaimer: **I wish I was but really... I don't own Fushigi Yuugi but the talented Yuu Watase does.

**Author's Note: **My third fanfic story. Another product of my wild and attention deficit hyperactive 'imagination'. I accidentally published the raw chapter some months ago and had to take it down because I was not completely satisfied with it. It was actually in my folder for more than a year already and had been procrastinating as usual. This is supposed to be a one-shot story but ideas kept popping in my mind, so I thought I should give it a try.

The chapter is without beta editing so I hope you will still enjoy the story despite the grammatical errors you might encounter.

**Note:** This story is completely different from other stories. No Reincarnations and the book of the Universe of the four Gods do not exist. Although, I have included some of the significant places in the UOTFG in modern Japan so as to keep the feel of FY.

**Summary: **They had been in loved with each other for as long as they can remember. One secretly. One Deeply. Miaka bought a fancy-glittery high heel for one special occasion. She wasn't Cinderella but why was her heart bleeding? Saihitei crushed the already crumpled paper and shoved it in his pocket, deciding to burn it later. But why was his heart tearing to pieces?

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Lost**

_Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does._

_Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up._

_- James A. Baldwin_

* * *

_**Miaka's POV**_

I was a hypocrite.

No… I guess I was just an idiot, plain idiot in the literal sense of the word.

Everywhere, I was looking for a sign; just one sign to tell me I shouldn't be here. That being here was the stupidest decision in the world.

Yesterday, I found myself inside the train on my way to town after finally heeding Yui's advice I should buy a new pair of shoes for today's special occasion which I think if I was truly going to be honest with myself would be the most horrid day of my life. I could think of no reason why I should waste a penny to procure a fancy, glittery high heel that I was sure to utilize for only one day. It's not like a few inches addition to my height would benefit me. It's highly unlikely that he would notice me. He never did in the past and never will be in this present or future. I should not encourage myself with hopeless fantasies.

So as I sat there uncaring how many more stations before I reach my destination I instead wallowed with my never ending bitterness, barely acknowledging the middle aged woman that had taken the empty seat on my left side. I glanced with disinterest the _Konan Times _newspaper she was reading when my eyes accidentally landed on the printed italic words in bold red _'Don't swallow what you can't digest.'_

The words felt like a hammer pounding the insides of my head. It's intense red font blinding my mind.

_Why? _My rather unfocused self-denial mind questioned pointlessly.

_That's because_, my other calm clear-headed mind reasoned bluntly, _it will keep rising to the surface_.

I sighed despairingly. How far can I keep up with my perfectly made façade and ignore the countless questions and destructive thoughts. The embittered feelings of hiding behind a forced obligatory smile, pretending to be a supportive and loyal companion because I was _specifically _requested to be in this position… No, I will never understand and yet… _Here I am…_

But I guess what drive me to this level of desperation that teetered to almost irreparable madness was that I had been trying to find a way to justify my actions… perhaps, I was waiting for a small miracle; that tiny little thing called _hope_… that's why even though I wanted so badly to rip this expensive silk gown hugging my body into shreds and let myself walk naked inside chapel and then bravely and shamelessly scream what's in my heart, I decided to keep… _quiet…_

I jerked back at the sound coming from the car's passenger door. The gentle knocking of fist on the metal was enough to reel me back to the present I wanted to escape from. I whipped my head and saw Tendou looking at me with understanding smile from the outside of the window. I smiled cheekily, almost forcedly; hoping the stupid thick make-up would be enough to mask the pain away. But to see his _sympathetic _gaze instead of his usual playful ones made my stomach churn knowing my hiding had been another weak fruitless attempt.

I swallowed a lump on my throat. He was looking at me with pity! _WHY?!_ Did he notice the pain hidden in my eyes? Was he going to admonish me for entertaining such disgraceful thoughts? It was not possible. I was certain I managed to perfectly play my act. I was applauded by my mentors and fellow actors in our club every time we performed a play, be it drama, comedy or tragedy. I was a damn good actress! There's no way he would see right through me!

But the way he was looking at me… I could not stand it… His sincere gaze to me was like a mockery! And I really-truly did not appreciate anyone's sympathy. Am I really nearing my boiling point that everyone seemed to notice the crack on my mask? Why was he here anyway?

I schooled my expression, casually brushing a finger on one of my locks while I raised one eyebrow in silent query. He tilted his head in response, nudging me to step out of the car while mouthing the words, "He's looking for you."

My heart skipped, momentarily losing my cool demeanour. He was looking for me? He wanted to speak with me for what would be the last few stolen moments before we all walked down the aisle in the next fifteen minutes. _Wait! _How do I look? I don't look awful in my make-up, do I? My grip on the bouquet loosened reflexively as I placed another hand to my suddenly flustered cheeks. Oh, I was so nervous and so happy I wanted to cry, fate was kind to me after all.

I fumbled on the knob and nervously opened the backseat's passenger door. It didn't even register in my mind that Tendou caught me by the elbow when I accidentally tripped my gown, causing me to sprain my left foot. The little distraction barely helped me taper off my quivering, explaining needlessly that I was born a clumsy. With few comforting words that I greatly needed, he escorted me to where the love of my life was waiting. Was I really trembling in fear and anxiety? I hadn't realized that as well. My senses seemed to have taken a momentary shut down.

_Three months. _It had been three months since the last time we have spoken to one another. I thought I would never get the chance to talk to him one last time before… No! I refused to accept the inevitable… It's my hiding because of my own cowardice that we never had the chance to speak with one another. But there's still hope… I can still confess my true feelings… And then, maybe… just maybe…

The moment I saw him standing in that small garden at the back of the chapel, his face illuminated by the brilliant sunlight; I felt tears pooling in the corner of my eyes. And it was so sudden, so fast that a fountain of beautiful cherished memories came rushing into my mind like rich clear waterfall. The need to rush to him, plead to him was as flagrant as the thunderous beating of my heart overlapping the various random sound surrounding us.

I was _weak_ after all… A pathetic cry baby… And I was _desperate_…

"You look handsome, as always…" I managed to utter.

He looked at me with a slightly surprised expression and I unconsciously fisted the sides of my gown. So many years ago I could just burst into his room – and into his personal space because it felt natural to be close to him. With him, I felt everything about life can be simple and easy… that everything was possible. But now, as I awkwardly stood a few feet away from him interrupting his moment of peaceful reverie, it felt as if I had overstepped his boundary.

It was so easy to picture him as the boy I once knew… the boy who did not hesitate to carry my weight on his back or when he assured me to let go of that branch. The boy who knew my fears, my dreams… the many secrets I shared with him _except for one_. But seeing him like this… so very different from the boy with a kind smile in my yesteryears, I was viciously reminded the reason on why I was here… Why I was confined in this beautifully made gown…

For all that's worth I was not denied of his generous response, so generous I nearly burst into tears from the sheer emotion of the moment. He did not utter a single word...

_He… smiled…_

He smiled at me… and I bit my lips to control a sob.

I had been for the longest time that I could remember praying to see him smile again. And it was incredibly silly – childish of me to pray for something shallow as a smile but to me it was my antidote… my hearts oasis in this conflicted life. And as proud juvenile as I was, I allowed myself to indulge in this pleasant feeling. This smile of his was only meant for me… belongs to me that I wish this moment will never end.

My heart flipped erratically. This must be it, the sign I had been waiting for! I suddenly found myself extremely nervous but his response has encouraged me to take the mighty leap. I am going to bravely confess my feelings.

"You must be excited!" I blabbered, smiling stupidly. And my mind exploded in buzz of frustration and grating annoyance, inwardly fighting the sudden urge to raise my hand in attempt to face palm or pull my hair in front of him. _What?! What did I say just now?!_ It was wrong again! Why was I such a bloody coward! What is wrong with me! _Why can't I say it? _I only wanted to tell him I lov-

"I have missed you, Miaka…"

My breath hitched, throat tightening at his words. I felt like a small child having difficulty to construct simple words. _He… missed me…_ I had doubted before that he would miss me, after all; we have not been on speaking terms for the longest time that I could remember. I did not understand, we had been as closed as Siamese twins and suddenly there was this invisible wall between us. It was so hard to reach out. But now, I can finally say it.

"I missed you too…" I replied in a barest whisper that fortunately reached his ears.

But it was wrong again. The uttered words barely compensated for the depths of my longing. It felt shallow and did not give any justice to the intensity of what I am capable of offering…

_My heart._

_My life._

_My soul._

Why was it so difficult to say something simple? Why could I not express the real me? Why am I holding back?

"You… missed me?" He asked, looking surprise at my confession, as if he could hardly believe what I just said. The desire to swoon upon hearing his deep velvety voice was tempting but it was difficult to overlook that his words were coated with uncertainty. I was serious and sincere when I uttered those words and yet…

His very question has brought me back to the reality… The here and now… My heart sank in disappointment. Who was I kidding? If he would doubt such simple words, how could I possibly make him to believe that I not only missed him but loved him with all that I have?

There's no hope left for me.

Even if I tell him what I truly feel… He would not reciprocate my feelings.

Even if I screamed how much _I love him…_ He would never hear me.

All is fair in love and war… And I have truly lost.

As the bell chimes interrupted our awkward silence, signaling the start of the ceremony; I closed my eyes to swallow back my tears.

Today, we are walking down the aisle.

He was the dashing groom.

But I was not his chosen bride.

* * *

_**Saihitei's POV**_

The love of my entire life would be lost to me forever.

Those were the words burning in my mind ever since I made that one mistake.

I was clearly the one to blame for my own lapses. Yet, as improbable as it may sound, I could not help but ask… _How did it come to this?_

My own foolishness has led a fatal domino effect to my life and the people around me I never wanted to hurt. I clenched my fists, wrinkling the piece of paper in my hand as I closed my eyes; trying to repress the augmenting pain of regret and wishing solemnly I could turn back the time when everything was simple, young and free.

_Free…_ the word seemed as foreign as the forfeiture of my innocence. It was ironic how I failed to care that my world has shrunk infinitesimally and yet I dread every passing second knowing in a few minutes, I would be trapped in an escapable covenant, _till death do us part._

Never in my life ever since I realized the significance of those _five_ sacred words that would I come to loathe it.

My head drooped unconsciously, slowly drawing out the precious memories that preserved my sanity. And almost instantly I was swept away, back in the time when my eyes first caught her beautiful expressive hazel eyes brimming in tears, and my young guileless heart pictured the two of us, all grown up and me marrying her someday. It was a dream… childish, naïve, stubborn… They said it was just mere infatuation after all, in her tender age of _five_, she was truly adorable.

Though my parents, specifically my mother had raised an eyebrow in more than one occasion, they did not question the oddness of my behavior. My sudden interest to peruse their wedding album was neither to see the captured moment of my mother glowing in her pristine bridal gown or my father's look of unadulterated joy and pride as he waited with bated breath his bride slowly walking down the aisle but to memorize the written sacred vows as if readying my seven year old self for the reality of what they saw was my _childish _dream.

_To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…_

I opened my eyes and gazed at the small garden cursorily. In my world of childish fantasy, I had sworn to share my life with her. And as silly as it was, I indulge myself carelessly with her buoyant response. We were childhood friends, the kind of friends that shared anything and everything under the sun. There was no shame in what we do. We laugh and goof around, catch dragonflies, chase each other, watch cartoons together, climb trees, read books, nurse each other's wounds and bruises, feed the koi fishes in the pond, share a sandwich, play hide and seek, fly kites, play _pretend_… I was her husband and she was my wife. Our children were Woody, Barbie and Teddy. She'd bring out her tea set and we'll have picnic together under their peach tree while I'll sneak to my brother's room and take his guitar so I can serenade her along with the flowers I plucked from my mother's garden.

To her, maybe it was just play pretend… But to me, it was so much more. My every thought process, my every conscious action… It was because I knew, even in my young mind; I already loved her.

I was her best friend, her protector, her guardian angel.

_And we were happy…_

"What are you doing here?"

I was reluctantly hauled back to my wandering thoughts by the familiar voice of my brother. I clenched my jaw, bitterness returning full force in that instant. Did he not understand the reason of my retreat? Was it really hard to spare me my last moment of peace before I am completely engulfed in this lifetime of travesty?

"Anyway, she's finally here." He said nonchalantly after hearing no reply from my side and I snorted inwardly. My bride has finally arrived… after being late for thirty minutes… and here I was praying she finally realized this entire wedding was just but a masquerade and decided to back-out. I was obviously wrong.

"Would you like to talk to her?"

I heard Tendou say from where he was standing. I lowered my head in consternation, certainly not appreciating his intrusive behavior. What was he up to? Was he really mocking me? Did he really think I could change her mind about this wedding? "Do not worry yourself, Tendou. I do not need to speak to her at this moment since there will be a lifetime of talking after we are married." I replied blandly and silently cursed my arrogance; surely I could do better if I want a lasting relationship with my soon to be wife.

After remaining quiet for a few, resentful moments I stood up from the bench, preparing to take my leave in the garden and onto the chapel where I would be condemned to a lifetime prison. The very thought was disturbing and I for the last time questioned myself, _is this the most noble thing to do? _Before I could take one step, I heard Tendou's voice once more.

"I meant, Miaka…" He said knowingly and I suddenly whipped my head toward his direction, not anticipating he was sensitive to my painful recollection.

Just the mere mention of her name was enough to make my heart expand inside my ribcage. My throat grew tighter at the familiar ache. I returned Tendou's piercing gaze with my own and the painful throbbing multiplied by a thousandth. She was here. Of course –_ I personally invited her myself_. I wanted to laugh at my idiocy. What was I thinking when I approached her? That she would be jealous?! I could not believe the breadth of my delusion.

For so many times, she had clearly spelt out with her own actions that I was nothing to her but a mere friend.

So I did what I thought was for the best. I avoided her like plague. Shunned her in my life. I created a space that was a continent apart. I dated other girls. I was certain I will be rewarded for the copious attempts to forget her. I only have to set my eyes on my goal and the wound in my heart would surely heal.

But I was a fool to even consider I would be able to cast away the love that was torturing me since the day I met her. I could not. I could never – would never forget her for as long as I live.

"I always wanted to speak to her…" I said truthfully. This is Tendou, my elder brother. He would never judge me. "Only… I do not know what to say…"

My brother nodded his head in understanding, withdrawing his left hand tucked from his pocket to check the time. "Well, you have seven minutes to figure what you wanted to say." He replied before retreating back to fetch the woman I'm hopelessly in love with.

I was struck with sudden nervousness, not anticipating the prospect of talking to her in private. I always, always wanted to approach her again after my wedding announcement and invitation three months ago. I thought it felt only right but at the same time… wrong.

It feels right to appease her, to let her know there might be another woman to share my life but no other woman will share my love. It would always belong to her and only her.

It feels painfully wrong because as much I desire to let loose of this emotion for one last time before I signed the papers of my lifetime imprisonment I was terrified of the repercussion, too afraid that she would condemn me for my own malice and dishonesty. How could I? I have yet to marry and I'm already proudly proclaiming I will forever cheat on my wife maybe not physical but in thoughts.

Would she really hate me if she ever learned the depth of my love for her? That I failed in my attempt to forget her. It had been two years since my last confession… a soulful and heartfelt confession that was ignored. A bitter smile escaped my lips. Every time I was reminded of the memory, of the painful rejection I could not help the stabbing sensation – so fresh, so raw that it felt like it only happened yesterday.

"You look handsome, as always…"

My head whipped towards her direction, startled of her presence. I was so lost with my own thoughts that I did not realize she was here already, standing not so far away from me. _God… she was so beautiful… so lovely._

But this beauty would never be mine, I chastised internally. I would never forgive myself if she ever hated me. I crushed the already crumpled paper in my hand and buried it in my pocket. I should burn it later so no hands or eyes would ever lay upon it. I should content with what she could only offer – _her unwavering friendship._

I smiled at her, remembering her compliment.

"You must be excited!" She exclaimed breathlessly, lips widened in a smile.

I so wanted to tell her I was indeed excited… to see her. It had been a while… Three months since after I came to her with my surprising announcement. She was smiling brightly and crying tears of joy to express how happy she was for me. I so missed her smile, it never fails to brighten up my day. I missed the little Miaka who was bursting in tears for something petty or childish. Tears that I always wiped dry with my fingers. I missed her so much… I would miss her so much…

"I have missed you, Miaka…" The words slipped my mouth before I could restrain myself and I regretted it immediately upon seeing her rigid posture. I clenched my jaw. This is the reason why I could never ever reveal my feelings for her. She seemed to be so allergic with anything that I could offer that is affectionate. Yes, I breathed the words with warmth and genuine fondness but it will never compare to the flaming torch I held for her. She was my inner fire and my heart burns for her.

But she will never see it that way. If I was ever going to look for a sign, then I should really open my eyes and accept the glaring reality.

Though, she would not be lost forever, at least I still have her friendship.

"I missed you too." Her voice was so soft, so small, so sincere, so enchanting… so unlike her earlier jovial response that I thought a spell was casted upon me. It was like one of my dreams that I did not wish to wake up soon. _She did miss me… too?_

I never thought it would sound so beautiful than it already was. It was like a smooth silky ribbon wrapping my heart. I wonder how it would feel like to hear her say those three heavenly words. I shook my head inwardly. My thoughts are once again driving me to the edge of my sanity. It would do me good to not think of another hopeless wishful thoughts. I should be more than satisfied to the idea that she somehow had missed me…

And slowly, I was put out of my trance with the same words pounding behind my ears, unable to believe my sense of hearing and asked my inner self for the umpteenth time if I was still hallucinating. She missed me… Miaka… missed me…

"You… missed me?" I could not help but ask for I worry that I wrongly interpreted her words. Still, I could not control my agitation, hoping to God she would say _yes. _It would be the only perfect present before I wed. I would cherish it forever, even if I only heard it once.

I peered through her soulful hazel eyes and what I saw in the slow change of her countenance was truly and utterly heart breaking. She could not even meet me in the eye to answer such simple question… a matter of yes or no…

Was I really undeserving of her affection despite what we had been through, what we had shared in the past?

Was my being honest of my feelings so unforgivable that she refused to spare me even an ounce of her warmth?

How can we ever go back to that time where I could freely sit next to her without having to worry that she would flinch around me, to hold her hand without the feeling of disgust?

Would she still trust me with her life just like the time when I asked her to let go of the branch, promising I would be there to catch her when she fall?

Would she still allow me to carry her on my back when she get tired and fall asleep?

I will always be there for her even if she would never need me.

I will continue to love her even if she would never have to be reminded of it ever again.

I was a hopeless fool that I really am.

All is fair in love and war… And I was and would never be a winner.

As the bell chimes interrupted our awkward silence, signaling the start of the ceremony; I closed my eyes to swallow back my tears.

Today, we are walking down the aisle.

I wish to be the dashing perfect groom

But I also wish she was my lovely perfect bride.

* * *

End of Chapter 1

A/N:

Not a fairy tale start for my favorite pair. What will happen to Miaka and Saihitei? Will Miaka be braved enough to declare her hidden love and stop the wedding at the last minute? Will Saihitei realize his mistake and remember his vow to marry no one else but Miaka?

My appreciation to you all for taking time to read my humble story. Please send me a review as I would love to know your thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Act I

**Chapter 2 – The Act I**

**Disclaimer: **It's Yuu Watase's not mine, because if it was then Miaka would have ended with Hotohori.

**Author's Note: **The chapter is without beta editing so I hope you will still enjoy the story despite the grammatical errors you might encounter.

**Note:** This chapter is Miaka's perspective. The first part was her memories while the last part would be the present time.

**Summary: **They had been in loved with each other for as long as they can remember. One secretly. One Deeply. Miaka bought a fancy-glittery high heel for one special occasion. She wasn't Cinderella but why was her heart bleeding? Saihitei crushed the already crumpled paper and shoved it in his pocket, deciding to burn it later. But why was his heart tearing to pieces?

* * *

**Chapter 2 – The Act-I**

_All the world's a stage,_

_And all the men and women merely players._

_- William Shakespeare_

* * *

**Three Months Ago**

"Hurry up, Miaka!"

"Gimme five minutes!" The door at the backseat flung open as soon as the car parked in front of Yuuki residence. Miaka having been wasted roughly thirty five minutes by going back to her house to retrieve the forgotten props and script rushed forward. Gasping for breath, she almost tripped upon entering the front door, too shocked to navigate to her room after seeing the unexpected people standing at the threshold of their modest living room.

"Oi! Miaka-chan, you're back?!" Mrs. Yuuki exclaimed in surprise.

But the youngest Yuuki was still too dazed to respond to her mother. She was looking at the familiar face that though had been physically absent for two years, that same face had taken permanent residence in her mind particularly in her heart ever since the first day she met him.

"How are you doing, Miaka?" His smooth deep voice, as tender and comforting as always cut through her momentary stupor. Before she could stop herself, Miaka jumped onto him, flung her arms around his neck and squealed joyfully.

"Oh my God! Saihitei! You're back!" Miaka was in such an exuberant mood that she had completely forgotten why she went back home. "When did you come home? You should have phoned or emailed or whatever!" She exclaimed and then pulled back a bit to hit his shoulder with her fists. "You are so mean! How could you not reply to any of my emails and I thought I'm your best friend!" She accused in thick voice as she clung to his neck one more time, trying to stifle a sniffle but failed.

"I'm sorry, Miaka…" Saihitei returned her hug with his own, almost lifting her and crushing her in his arms but without really hurting her. Then she felt his hands gently stroking her back and Miaka thought with tears sliding down her cheeks and soaking his shirt that this is where she belongs. In his arms. So warm. So sturdy. So tender. The russet has so many questions to ask and so many stories to tell but of all the things she wanted to say… She wanted to confess her love for him.

Miaka knew she had wasted so much time just waiting for the right time to free her of the strong feelings deeply hidden beneath the sleeve of their so-called friendship. She was filled with so much insecurities and was simply too afraid of the consequences. Just the mere thought of Saihitei unable to reciprocate her feelings had destroyed whatever diminutive confidence she had.

But when Saihitei abruptly left, barely even saying goodbye, Miaka was struck with fear like never before. She had never realized how naively complacent she was with their current setup, thinking that she has all the time in the world. Why wouldn't she be when they were living next to each other, even their families were completely closed. There was not a day that they were not seen together. Not even measles and chicken pox could separate them. The only time they were not seen together was when all the boys in their neighborhood attended a two days camp at Mt. Reikaku or when Saihitei had to represent their school yearly at the international Quiz Bee held in different countries.

With her face still buried to his neck, she whispered in barely audible, muffled voice. "You have no idea how much I –"

"Uhurm…"

Miaka's near confession was disrupted by a clearing of throat followed by forced cough obviously to get their attention. She felt Saihitei pulling her back slowly and she has to restrain herself from glaring at her mom for interrupting the moment. Stepping back a little, Miaka wiped a lingering tear and chuckled almost sheepishly knowing Saihitei would surely tease her for being such a cry-baby when she heard him speak.

"By the way Miaka," Holding her in arms length, Saihitei turned her to his companion. "I would like to introduce you to Kaen, my fiancee…"

Miaka was so enraptured with happiness that she absolutely didn't see that coming. And despite the suspended smile on her face, she felt all her blood slowly drain away from her face as she tried to process and reprocess Saihitei's words in her mind at the same time wrapping her suddenly fragile heart with invisible hands to keep it from completely breaking into two large pieces.

The woman… The perfectly beautiful woman with skin as white as ivory and her equally long beautiful flowing hair the color of magenta smiled timidly at her.

"Hello, Miaka. It's nice to finally meet you." With her unfairly melodious voice as well, Miaka thought distractedly. "I'm Haku Kaen… and hmm, yeah I'm Saihitei's fiancée." She repeated whilst extending her hand in a hand shake.

Feeling at a loss, Miaka mechanically stretched out her arm and clasped Kaen's hand with hers, still too deranged to form a proper reply that she could only produce a soft low laugh before suddenly jesting an overly enthusiastic, "I'm… I'm the best friend!"

And she chuckled… and chuckled, whilst shaking her head and turning to face her beloved best friend knowing how cliché her response was. _How could you? How could you do this to me?_ Her hazel eyes glistened in silent accusal. But she couldn't say it out loud. So, she just continued to laugh stupidly because honestly, she didn't know what else to say. All Miaka knew was that she was so utterly-utterly heartbroken that she didn't want them to know how unhappy and hurt she was.

So, whoever said that smiling takes less effort than frowning was lying.

"Congratulations, Sai-kun!" Mrs. Yuuki chimed in; equally shocked at the sudden announcement. Her dear friend, Motaiko has never mentioned anything about her second son's fiancée. If anything, they were actually talking about their children getting married in the near future. Clearly, that future has gone distant if not bleak. "Motaiko must be really surprised..."

"She was." Saihitei's short but polite answer.

"Oh, let me fix you some snacks." Mrs. Yuuki suddenly remembered. She sauntered towards the kitchen, assuming the part of the courteous host.

"I'm sorry…" Miaka muttered with peculiar humor, looking at Kaen and asked inwardly_ what she was apologizing for._ Wasn't she the one hurting? "I'm just so surprised… you know… it's been a long time with ZERO communication and I was actually a little mad at him," pointing a thumb to Saihitei and then paused and stared at him. "I'm actually quite mad at you…"

There. She finally said it. Miaka was actually surprised that she didn't scream at him. But when she caught the guilt that passed by Saihitei's eyes, she wanted to scream at herself instead.

"But I'm so happy for you!" Miaka suddenly blurted, her voice filled with so much emotion. But she failed to catch Saihitei's surprised expression when she turned her face back to Kaen. "Did you know how picky this guy was? He had tons of fangirls way back and he had to keep running and hiding from all of them. I even suspected – 'My God! This guy must be a gay!' because seriously, you don't ignore fangirls when they're blatantly seducing you. So, I'm happy that he finally found you… It took a while though… fate must have sent him to Kutou to find you." She blabbered without really thinking what she was saying.

"Thanks Miaka. Well, it looks like you're right about it since we're getting married 3 months from now." Kaen smiled a crescent smile before passing Saihitei a loving look.

_3 months… 3 months?... __**3 months!**_

Miaka stared at her dumbly. _Hell No! _Just as she thought she had done a fairly good job at hiding her true emotions, she has to hear the wedding is set to take place… _soon!_ If she had been at a loss before now she was swimming in a sea of shocked she barely managed to say, "R-really."

"Yes! We're actually spending these two weeks school break to attend the seminars and retreats, meetings with families and relatives. The rest of the preparations will be done by the wedding coordinator." Kaen eagerly filled her with information.

"B-but… Isn't it too soon? I mean… will it affect university?" Miaka asked tersely, unable to calm her nerves.

"Not at all." It was Saihitei's turn to answer her question. "We'll both continue with our studies until we graduate."

"But what's the rush?" She pressed on, her breathing shallow with the aggravating sound of her heartbeat.

Kaen answered in hush tone, somewhat embarrassed. "We… didn't have much of a choice since I'm on the way already…"

"On the way…?" Not understanding, Miaka tried one more time with creased brows, praying there's no serious or compelling reason as to why they were both obligated to rush the said wedding. She can't accept it… Hell, she still can't believe it that she was actually thinking of reasons to persuade them to delay the wedding.

Putting a hand onto her still flat belly, Kaen answered with a tint of pink spreading across her cheeks. "Yes, on the way."

Miaka's hazel eyes trailed after Kaen's dainty hand and she stared at it in speechlessness, unable to blink even. The comprehension was sinking ever slowly before she felt the gravity of it all. It was as though the strangest feeling that she was zooming-out and within nano-second zoomed-in in front of them but slamming her face instead in a two-way mirror.

"Oh…" The crack in Miaka's voice was apparent. "Oh! Oh… I- I'm sorry I'm so stupid! Now I understand! I think it's a double congratulation!" She followed up quickly in a desperate attempt to quell the threatening tears.

There were only two things at the forefront of her mind. First, her heart not only broke into two halves but it completely shattered into thousands of tiny pieces, scattering everywhere that it would be impossible to make it whole again.

Her second thought was how to escape from this asphyxiating situation knowing she was already at the end of her limits and staying for another five seconds longer would be a detrimental mistake.

"Miaka…" Saihitei called out with an awkward smile. And the russet wanted to bare her teeth and snarled at him that she was not giving him permission to call her name so familiarly. It brings out memories that as of this moment were meaningless and unwanted. But she was not given the luxury of doing just that when he said, "Actually, the reason why we came here is to personally invite you to our wedding."

It was too late. The moment the words reached her ears, Miaka's mask fell off, leaving her in complete nakedness and vulnerability.

Her body tremble as all the heat in her body concentrated in one spot behind her sockets. Unable to repress the dam of tears, she raised her hands in defeat, forcibly choking out the words from her mouth. "Of course… Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world." She muttered in languorous broken gasp.

Without missing a bit, her body move on its own accord, giving Kaen a quick hug and Saihitei a lingering one while mouthing the words "Congratulations!" and "I'm happy for both of you…" over and over again while smiling and crying and apologizing all at the same time.

In an effort to save her face despite her emotional breakdown, Miaka pulled Saihitei's nose without warning. "This is for not replying to my emails," then jabbed his chest with her fist, "And this is for shocking the hell out of me with your announcement! Seriously, you always do this kind of stuff… like giving me a heart attack!" She finished in one big huff, hoping they didn't catch the real meaning behind her last words.

Saihitei held Miaka's hands and brought it to his lips. "And you're still a cry-baby." He muttered and wiped her tears with his fingers just as he always does in the past. "I'm very sorry for acting so cold…" He said with remorse.

Miaka had never realized the day would come when her acting skills would be put to test. All muscles identified in her face only wanted to exhibit one emotion – pain. And the more she forced herself to smile, the more the pain becomes unbearable.

"No. Not cold. But jerk." She said rolling her tear-stricken eyes as another tear dribbled on her left cheek. She quickly wiped it away and withdrew her hand from Saihitei's hold. The cry did a little bit of help and she was starting to numb. At this realization Miaka sighed gratefully. She could pull this off, consider this as one of the fairly long list of plays she performed on stage.

Piece of cake.

"Thank you Miaka… Actually there's more…" Kaen interrupted her inward musings and Miaka stood back to look at her. Knowing she had heard the worst and most destructive news in her entire life for approximately thirteen minutes since she entered the house. She was so certain, so confident that nothing could ever be worse than that first three announcements so, _hell yeah! Bring it on!_

"Would you be my Maid of honor?

Miaka bit the back of her cheek. Just because she was numbing doesn't mean it's enough to restrain the second wave of tears threatening to spill. _Were they goading her?_ Do they have the slightest idea how hard it was to pretend just standing there in front of them, listening to their future of happily ever after while she nurse the remnants of her shattered heart. This can't be some form of poor consolation.

Attending a wedding as guest is one thing. She can definitely make herself invisible or better yet, just pass at the last minute and use the most common excuse in the history by pretending to be sick. But participating in an important role? The Maid of Honor? No… no… no… rather… _Maid of Horror! _Seriously, this must be some kind of a stupid joke! Because it was not funny! And she wasn't laughing! "Are you sure?" She asked in a placating voice. "I…" turning to her best friend, "Saihitei, is this your idea of making it up to me? I mean, you don't have to… I was just joking when I said I was mad at you." Miaka was hoping they would get it.

"It was actually my idea." Kaen's quick reply.

Glancing to her side, Miaka implored, keeping the plastered smile on her face. "Why… why me?"

"I'm actually the only girl in the family, the rest of my siblings and cousins were boys and though I have many girl friends, I unfortunately don't have someone whom I can call _bestfriend_. And this wedding is very important to me and Saihitei. It's obviously a rush wedding and we only wanted the people closed to us to be part of this special occasion… And Saihitei adored you, like a little sister. What I'm trying to say is… I would be very grateful if you accept being my Maid of Honor."

The severity of the words hit Miaka like a twin slap on her face. _Like… a little sister. _She had never realized though, the general manner to which Saihitei expressed his care and over-protectiveness for her welfare. It gave her room to dream and hope that he might be feeling something for her even if it's just a little. Didn't she give her first kiss to him and he had accepted it? How many times did they kiss? Call it a friendly kiss, a staged kiss but it was no siblings kiss._ Because siblings DON'T KISS LIKE THAT!_

_Kiss me. I want my first kiss to be you._

_No. Only give your kiss to the one you love._

_If you don't kiss me, I'll give it to someone else. _

_You're blackmailing me, Miaka. That's not funny._

Miaka blinked and a single tear slid down her cheek. She had imposed on the kiss and threatened him. He didn't like her because he only saw her… _as little sister…_

"Absolutely." Her voice was so small and frail just like the expression she was wearing. "The honor would be mine." She stated while placing a hand on her chest. "Thank you for considering me. Saihitei and I… we're like this…" crossing her point and middle finger, "when we were still small children. And I remember when we were looking at our parents wedding albums, he said that… he said that," She paused, trying to swallow the pointy shard lodged in her throat, "he would only marry someone he truly loves…"

It was true. Saihitei shared this piece of dream to her so many times. And Miaka realized that Kaen must be a very precious person to Saihitei that he actually forgot the people he cared about back home, _like her… _His world must be revolving around Kaen just as her world was revolving only for him.

Passing a lingering glance at Saihitei, she continued, "And I know that this wedding would be so magical because it's already been blessed with a child… and I'd be most happy to be part of this magical occasion."

Miaka's words were akin to submitting defeat. She was practically throwing the white towel. There was so much that she wanted to ask him. So many unspoken words to say, so many secrets to spill. She dreamed happiness but above all else she wanted his happiness too.

The ear-splitting honk followed by loud irritated voices outside disrupted the vacillating tension surrounding the living room.

Finally, having a valid reason to get rid of her person from the suffocating situation, Miaka piped in before whirling towards her room, "Oh, right! I forgot the props and my script!" Without wasting another minute, she grabbed the medium size box sitting quietly beside her closet and the stack of papers on her hair dresser. She did not allow herself to think of anything. There will be plenty of time to mourn, but that will come later; when she is in a safe distance to cry her heart out and let her tears burst forth. But not here. She will not allow herself another encore of her emotional breakdown in front of the man she loved and adored.

Keeping up with her act, she gave the couple a quick hug, bidding them farewell and apologizing for not staying long as she will be performing tonight's play.

* * *

The play was about to start in another fifty minutes. It was Miaka's first time to play the role of Genbu No Miko, The most loved folklore in Hokkan country. She memorized her lines with so much dedication and delivered a breath-taking performance even during rehearsals. This play will be another of her many success.

Acting was her passion. It was a gift she never realized she possessed until a certain special someone introduced her to that world of mysterious play. _He_ helped her hone her skills, taught her techniques, improvised in the event she forgets her lines. He was her first director, first audience, first critic, first leading man, first kiss…

Miaka closed her eyes, trying to fight off the tears.

She had spent listlessly a bucket of tears in the living room of their house in front of people who caused her pain, inside the car on their way to Eiyu Plenary Hall beside her co-actors and friends, Kourin and Taka and in the dressing room with Hina, their make-up artist. It was the first time she was seen shedding real tears. Not that she was faking her tears during the plays. Of course they were real _staged _tears, exploited for the benefit of the show.

However, these tears she was shedding now were tears of real brokenness. Its taste is as bitter as the sharp biting ice jabbing her chest. The mixture of pain, regret, longing, confusion and distress was palpable in every angle of her heart-shaped face, from the unnatural paleness of her skin, lifeless pair of hazel eyes, the bizarre curve of her eyebrow to her trembling lips speaks volumes of unspoken anguish.

Hina stepped into the dressing room, instantly throwing a fit of hysteria the moment she saw the state of her blood-shot eyes. "This can't be!"

The russet laughed dryly. "Just leave it be…" She said tonelessly, "The first act is about Takiko's grieving over her mother's death… It's fitting, don't you think?"

"But this is even worse! Your eyes are swollen-red!" The make-up artist exclaimed. "No, we have to do something to conceal the redness and puffiness!" She said and started to shout orders to her assistant to get her two chamomile teabags and a bucket of ice cubes and water while digging something in her make-up bag.

Miaka didn't move from her spot and just stared blankly at her reflection from the mirror. She was never a primadonna… ever! But right now, she doesn't give a shit if the people backstage turned all-gaga just because her face was a total mess. But when she steps onto the stage and slip into her role, she will give it all. All the anger and madness and hurricane of grief and despair and other negative feelings she could no longer identify. She will pour it all out and bare her soul.

* * *

"Next, Maid of Honor!"

…

"Yuuki-san!"

I was startled by the sound of Karin's shrill feminine voice, the wedding coordinator. Her somewhat irritated voice and the fluttering memories made my heart pound fretfully. I quickly apologized and focused on the present despite my sweating palms due to my tight grip on the bouquet.

After listening to the strict instructions of Karin, I quietly took my position with trembling knees. When I saw the bride coming out of the bridal car with her parents a few minutes ago, I couldn't help but stare in admiration despite my seething jealousy. She's so beautiful… She looks so divine in her wedding gown. She's so perfect… like an angel… like Aphrodite… She's… she's…

I closed my eyes briefly, suddenly having the urge to step out of the chapel for a much needed fresh air. Everything and everyone in the room screams bliss and solemnity and all the positive energy that I felt totally out of place with all the chaos coiling inside me. But the formation of the wedding entourage has already been lined up with the groom and best man already standing in front of the altar.

I was startled by the reverberant sound of the piano resonating within the walls of the chapel marking the beginning of the wedding march. My chest felt tighter at the strong emotions verging to erupt. The ferocious pounding of my heart swallowed the rest of the sounds, turning my mouth quivering and my eyes glassy.

_WHAT AM I DOING HERE?! _I howled mentally, castigating myself for my sheer stupidity. Why? Why did I agree to become the bride's Maid of honor?!

I couldn't breathe as if my lungs are closing like a shrinking plastic caught in fire. The wedding march has started but I was not confident I could even make one step forward. In fact, I was almost certain this was my cue to turn around to escape my foretelling breakdown.

So I did.

But the moment I turned around, I was met with iridescent white satin and ruffled taffeta embellished with gorgeously eye-catching Swarovski stones and tiny pearls that made the gown shimmer against the light from the glass windows. My eyes drifted from said wedding gown to meet the anxious pair of violet eyes behind the equally shimmering delicate veil draped across her face.

The questioning look I received was enough to shake my form knowing I failed _again _for the second time to repress the now leaking hysteria beneath the schooled smile and thick make-up.

"How do I look, Miaka? Please tell me honestly!"

I was too emotional to form a coherent reply that I barely managed a squeak, "Of course!"

The bride smiled uncertainly. "What do you think? I mean, is make-up really not overdone?"

I stared at her quietly. I was half-drowning in overwhelming pain and she was actually asking me about her make-up? Despite my pathetic state I found myself genuinely flabbergasted.

Even though I was constantly spacing out, I certainly did not mishear the squeal of praises from the guests and other members of entourage. Surely, those flattery words should be enough to appease her insecurity unless she really wanted _me_ to butter her up while pretending to be innocent and demure. I bristled at her vanity. Oh, her beauty blinding as it is hides a bag of air that I so wanted to prick her face with a needle to expose the real her.

_Said the greatest actress here…_

The whisper of conscience broke my momentary loathing. Of course… I'm the biggest pretender and hypocrite here. How could I forget? But the harsh reminder instantly put me back to my place.

"You look so wonderful… so beautiful…" My quivering voice came out small and soft that it almost felt sincere.

"Thank you, Miaka." The bride beamed in response, extending her other hand to touch my left wrist. "I dunno, I feel weird… maybe it's what they call wedding jitters…" She chuckled nervously. "Hey… you seem about to cry, is anything the matter?"

"No not at all!" I replied instantaneously that I looked so defensive with my stance, stiff shoulder and clenching jaw. Somewhere, I heard another crack that was my mask. I wanted to laugh and cry and curse and die. Of all people, why does it have to be _her_ to witness my fall? Could my pathetic life get any better? "Tsk! It's the stupid mascara…" I almost whimpered in defeat, my shoulder slumping back. Letting out a dry laugh I continued. "I told the make-up artist not to put too much mascara but he was just so stubborn and now not only I look like a clown but my eyes are really getting itchy and irritated and just… argh!" My voice cracked and I stared at the ceiling, allowing a tear to fall from my right eye.

"Oh dear! Don't we have eye mo? Don't cry or you'll ruin your make-up…" Kaen exclaimed, uncharacteristically forgetting her own jitters but we were cut-off by the hushed voice of Karin.

"It's the Maid of honor's turn to do the march."

* * *

End of Chapter 2

A/N:

Anyone wondering who Haku Kaen is? She's Soi, one of Seiryuu seishi. I couldn't drag Houki in the love triangle because Tendou exists in my story, besides I wanted to experiment and thought she fit nicely as Saihitei's bride.

Miaka is an emotional girl and she's also a good actress. I will explain in the later chapters how and why she became like this. Saihitei knew this emotional side of her and to him it's her normal self that's why it was hard for him to read her true feelings.

Thanks for reading this chapter. Please send me a review as I would love to know your thoughts.


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